Since I was little I have absolutely loved movies. When I was little I was up all night watching the worst martial arts movies you could find, when I was a teen I was working at the theatre and sneaking people in by the thousands ( I almost bankrupted the movie industry), and finally now that I am older I spend my weekends either at the theatre or chilling on the couch watching a movie. Movies are probably my greatest material love. But they are also my greatest hate. Yes I am that guy, and yes I am going to use this blog as my outlet for hatred for some of the dumber movies, plots, characters, trilogies and anything else I can possibly put on blast. For my first post I think there is only one way to go. I love Star Wars, I mean I really love Star Wars. Whether it is the movies, books, comics, games or cartoons I enjoy the whole universe. Except for the Rogue Squadron stuff because that ish is for nerds. So when I was sitting in the theatre with my popcorn in my hands, a smile on my face, and a boner in my pants when the credits started rolling for the final installment in the series I never could have imagined how unfulfilled I would feel when the lights would come back up. So for starters I am going to take a little time to crush some things about Revenge of the Sith.
First off the dialogue is just absolutely pathetic. During any exchange between Padme and Anakin I could literally have just thrown up. Never have two people phoned in a performance more and I don't blame them. Nobody should be expected to deliever such crap lines with any conviction. Then there is the final dialogue between Anakin and Obi Wan which had no sense of direction at all. Two of the coolest characters of all time, about to face off and Lucas just has them opening their mouths and fart noises coming out. Really robbed cinema of what could have been a great exchange.
Secondly Anakin had the quickest and most unispired heel turn of all time. Are you kidding me? He went from saving galaxies to killing little kids in the blink of an eye. It essentially went like this
Emperor: Anakin join me and lets kill little kids
Anakin: No way I'm the chosen one
Emperor: Ahhh, come on just do it
Anakin: You are right. What is your bidding my master
The book does a much better job showing what leads Anakin down that path but the movie really left a lot out. Just didn't make much sense for him to just betray everyone that quickly.
Yoda goes out like a little bitch. I hate how much kids like that guy. Listen all he ever did was hold Count Dooku to a draw. He just flipped around all gay and kids went nuts. He was the leader of the council and he slips and falls then it's game over??? Yoda went and hid until he just one day crawls up into his little tree bed and vanishes to be one with the force. Yoda is a failure and he actually allowed the demise of the jedi order. Just because he put in a few days of trainning with Luke doesn't redeem that guy in my eyes.
Finally, we get to the final fight scene. We've all been waiting for it since the trilogy began. Obi Wan vs Anakin, master vs apprentice, brother vs brother. I knew sitting in the theater that there was no way that this fight could let me down. I will in no way crush the fight itself. The two of them really went at it and the choreography for their lightsaber duel was great. But the way the fight ended was so stupid that it almost ruins the whole damn thing. Obi Wan gets to the "high ground" which is a very slight elevation over where Anakin is floating in a river of lava. So Obi Wan tells him basically that the fight is over, Anakin being stubborn and arrogant goes for it anyways and Obi Wan cuts off his legs and arm. Here is my A, B, and C on why that makes no sense at all.
A. Anakin could have just been like "you know what, I'm just going to float down there and then get off and walk down here and kick your ass."
B. Anakin had literally just jumped 50 yards from a falling platform onto this tiny thing floating in lava. You mean to tell me that Anakin can't jump 10 yards up over Obi Wan and then walk down and destroy him?
C. Let us rewind to two films earlier when Obi Wan is getting handled by Darth Maul. Obi Wan is hanging off the edge of a huge pit. Maul is standing over him a few feet up with his lightsaber in hand. Is that not the high ground? I am supposed to believe that a young padawan Obi Wan can pull himself up and do a flip over Maul, who was known for being a total badass and who could repel laser blasts but oh no he can't react to a guy flipping up over him from several feet down.
Don't get me wrong the movie is still a good movie I just feel they could have really done some things better. Also on the list but not detailed for pissing me off is how easily Obi Wan beats Grievous and makes him look like a total chump. All in all there is only one thing to blame. George Lucas is an idiot and there will be more on that eventually.
World class drop in by Dave.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't have said it better myself, sir. Like you I had been waiting for years to find out what exactly happened between Obi Wan and Vader and how Vader became Vader. Once the hype from seeing Sith in the theater had gone and I watched it months later on dvd I started to realize how incomplete the movie really is.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Star Wars fan, I'd lke to weigh in a little bit.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, interesting point on Yoda. I guess I had never really thought about him being a "chump" before. I admit, after liking him as a kid, his flips in AOTC did capture my heart for good when I was a mid-teen. That said, I can't say that I disagree with your take.
I'll never forget a conversation that I overheard 2 Star Wars geeks having while walking out of seeing ROTS on opening day.
Geek 1: What did you think of the movie?
Geek 2: It was decent except for the final fight scene.
Geek 1: I thought the fight scene was pretty good. What didn't you like about it?
Geek 2: Psh. What didn't I like about it? It was totally not believable. You can't get that close to molten lava. If you were that close to lava you would melt!
Geek 1: Good point. I hadn't thought of that.
Geek 2: I just couldn't enjoy it because it wasn't believable.
So, these geeks didn't like the final fight scene because Obi and Ani were too close to the lava. Nevermind the fact that these movies include traveling through space at hyperspeed while fighting aliens, jedis/siths with powers honed from a supernatural force, lightsabers, midichlorients, etc.
Freaking geeks.
Then again, I'm the one blogging about Star Wars at 11:45 pm on Memorial Day weekend. So, maybe I'm the real geek around here.
I really do have more to say but I'm falling asleep.
Nice
ReplyDeleteI go back and forth on ROTS. When I see it sometimes I'm overcome with anger listening to some of the lines they have to deliver, but then I really start sinking into the story it's telling and the amazing world Lucas created to tell it in. Anakin rise and fall is a classic tragedy made even cooler set in the Star Wars universe. I think there's a ton to like about the movie but the criticisms it draws are fair too. Padme dying because she's lost the will to live is the really the low point of the Star Wars experience if you ask me. Still overall I think the movie is good and certainly the best of the new trilogy.
ReplyDeleteJohn those nerds deserve a beating, live a little. For all we know Anakin and Obi-wan were using a force technique to keep their bodies cool. -King Nerd
My main issues with the new trilogy: Jar Jar Binks, Count Dooku (Darth Maul should've been in all three movies and Anakin should've been the one to kill him.), too many gags and stupid one-liners from Attack of The Clones, too much animation and too many special effects to where it made Clones and Revenge in particular look cartoonish. But the biggest issue of all, and this going back to Brent's point, THE ACTING. I love George Lucas. He's the definition of American success and a revolutionary but there are certain directorial skills he lacks, and the biggest one of all is getting the best performances from the actors. The script had a lot to do with it too but if you're a good enough actor you can make the craziest line sound brilliant. (END RANT)
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